Got what I wanted

Gross alert: discussion of bowel movements ahead.

Remember a couple weeks ago when all I wanted was a nice spring day to run? Well, I got it--but I should really be careful what I ask for.

First, the my subway line wasn't going into Manhattan so I had to switch trains and take a longer way to the Super Runner's Shop (I will get my free shoes this year!). By the time I got to the store I was 25 minutes late for the group run. I asked them to hold on to my phone and head out for 20 miles.

When I get to Central Park every single person in the city has come out for the sunny, clear, and 54 degree weather. It makes all those long runs in January, when it was just me and a handful of others out there, seem like the park was abandoned. The are TNT training groups running by, swarms of cyclers zooming away, there doesn't appear to be an inch of space on the running track around the reservoir.

The first 10 miles went pretty well, but I realized that I had probably put on too much clothing: an under armor t-shirt and a long-sleeve technical tee over that with shorts on. I just wasn't used to this caliber of heat on long runs. I was quickly running out of water and at Mile 12 I took a walking break. And that was it.

For the next 8 miles I mentally could not muster up energy to keep on going. I started eating the pack of CLIF Bloks I had brought along. They were "margarita" flavor and tasted awesome, however, margarita flavor means lots of salt and I was running low on water already. (Side note: NYC has tons of public drinking fountains, but they aren't turned on until May.) So I had to wait until I found a bathroom to fill up with water so that I could down more Bloks.

I was walk-running for the last five miles in Central Park. When I reached the straight-a-way at the Runner's Gate I started going all out as this was the last quarter-mile of the run. And sure enough, I have a mighty sprint to the end. Exhausted, I went over to the side walk out of the way of runners and cyclists. Then, out of no where, my stomach, which was rock solid the whole run decided to surprise me with a surprise post-run rumble.

I did the whole "oh! I have a sudden cramp let me move over to this bench to stretch it" move and tried to pinch. But this was coming on strong and I was too exhausted to fully stop it. Yes folks, I crapped my pants (no details spared here at See sRod Run). I mean it wasn't like this guy, but it was enough to make me feel really uncomfortable. I guess a crappy run couldn't have ended any other way.

I made my way back to the Super Runner's Shop, but given my, um, situation, down there I couldn't bring myself to properly sit and stretch. I got all the way to the store (about four blocks) before I realized that if I didn't sit down I would faint or collapse right there on the street. So I ended up sitting on the steps of a Church for a minute before picking up Gatorade and chocolate milk from CVS.

By the time I got home I was ragged. I felt like poop, I had pooped, and when I got home I had to clean up poop. After I cleaned up, I drew up a nice luke warm bath and dozed in the tub for an hour before getting out to go eat.

The high-point of the run: breakfast was a Dunkin' Donuts waffle sandwich-inspired masterpiece. Two sandwiches, with waffles as the buns, filled with blueberry maple chicken sausage, cheddar cheese, and a fried egg (left just soft enough in the yolk so that it gets messy). Delicious.


The Laminator said...

Omigosh...totally wasn't what I was expecting to hear about your run...it's one thing to crap in your pants, and really totally another to actually blog about it!

Nancy Pants said...

i know this is my first time commenting, but I have to say, woww- what you just described is my worst nightmare realized. i'm so sorry... but thanks for sharing(?)

raulgonemobile said...

Holy crap!

(Best I could do on a Monday morning)

That's quite a run though, and that's mighty brave of you to admit it and blog about it. :)

CyclingDivas said...

Another reason to switch to cycling.....

Marcy said...

Where is Jess?!? You know she will love you for this post! LOL

Irish Cream said...

You are brave for sharing this, sRod! I totally agree with Nancy Pants--that really is my worst nightmare (especially since I tend to have a very grouchy tummy). But hey, at least you got through it and enjoyed an awesome breakfast afterwards!

Adam said...

Hahaha, that is awesome! Well, I mean awesome reading about it. I'm sure that it wasn't too awesome at the time.

I think that we have all been --><-- THAT close. I have NO idea what I would do!