Baby cows

I picked-up the June issue of Men's Journal from my work mailbox earlier this week. (Free magazines: one of the few reasons I stay in advertising.) I start flipping through the magazine on my way home today and start reading an article titled "Six-pack abs, made to order." The article is about this new high-definition liposculpture surgery--it's basically super precise lipo that can sculpt fat to look like muscle.

I roll my eyes.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind being all cut up like some Abercrombie & Fitch model, but I wouldn't do surgery. Come on, is anyone in such dire need of a six-pack that they would undergo an $8,000+ surgery? I don't think such a person exists. Not in my world.

But wait, it gets better.

I continue reading and get to a diagram where they list the top plastic surgery procedures men choose to undergo. Nose and eye jobs account for nearly 50% of all male plastic surgery--ok, you might snore or you might have developed those skin flaps that impair your vision. Next on the list are hair transplant (ok, understood), chin implant (odd, but understandable), male breast reduction/implants (sure, I could use those too), penis enlargement (hee hee, they said penis--and now I've said it too!), and calf implants.

Calf implants.

WTF? Calf implants? People want to make their calves bigger? This is a thing? This is something people lose sleep over (I assume you're losing sleep if you're willing to undergo surgery)? I mean, how often do you even see a guy's calves? They're usually covered by pants.

The article writes: "Calves are notoriously hard to develop." That's it--that is the justification provided for getting calf surgery, which starts at $5,500. Can't $5,500 get you a personal trainer that will not only make your calves bigger, but your entire body healthier?

I then take a look at my calves. I'll be honest: my calves are pretty sweet. I have received very few genetic blessings when it comes to my body, but well-defined calves I did get. There was even someone who told me in high school (when I was overweight and not exercising) that my calves should be used in an anatomy class. (I'm pretty that was intended to be a compliment.)

Since the proof is always in the pudding, here is the pudding:



Ok, this picture makes them look scary. I swear, I do look like a normal human when I walk around...just don't ask me to flex my calves. (Also, you can't imagine how silly I felt running back and forth across the living room to take this picture. Where is wifey when I need her?)

_______________________________

Nitmos, I'm honored to be the sole victim...um...no, wait, victim is the right word--the sole victim of your tagging. That will be this weekend's post.